


First Steps

by VisionaryGalaxy



Series: A Thousand Futures of Me and You [166]
Category: A - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Boys In Love, Car Accidents, Don't copy to another site, Drabble, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 17:56:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19339633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisionaryGalaxy/pseuds/VisionaryGalaxy
Summary: Stephen isn't handling the aftermath of his crash very well.*Mind the tags!





	First Steps

**Author's Note:**

> We have the tag about suicidal thoughts so be warned, also Stephen thinks some very unkind things toward his disability, be safe.

   Stephen stared down at the magazines strewn across the kitchen counter. He didn’t know why he did this to himself or why Happy indulged his request, though that last one might be because of Tony.

   They glossy pages glared up at him with obnoxious tabloid fonts and colours, mocking his inability to rip them to shreds like he wanted to. The titles splashed across the front page were all centered on the same topic, with various levels of humiliation.

   Apparently, Stephen’s crash was big enough news to support nearly three months worth of gossip. He shouldn’t be surprised, that was what happened when you were Tony Stark’s husband. It sunk in for a moment that all of this attention, this world-wide awareness of his downfall was because of Tony. If he wasn’t married to the richest man in the world, not a soul would be witness to this degradation.

   Stephen hated him.

   For a split second.

   Decided he hated himself more.

   Since his crash Stephen couldn’t escape the anger burning away inside him and sometimes it felt like the only thing keeping him going, even as it slowly deteriorated everything around him. Stephen drifted over to the chair near the window, the one he’d placed specifically so he could stare out at the landscape of city.

   It was a miracle that Tony was still here. Stephen knew that very well.

   Not a moment had gone by in the past few days since his release from that hospital that Stephen had been able to muster up more then a ‘thank you’ for his help. Tony treated him like he was made of glass, like any second all his broken bones would re-snap and his wounds would unstitch, and he’d just fall to pieces all over again.

   It was maddening as it was touching. Not much felt like it made sense anymore.

   Stephen stared down at his hands, if you could call them that. They sat in his lap, palms up because it was the only way it didn’t hurt, red and itchy from the intensity of the surgery. They were healing well from a cosmetic point of view. Yet they were still useless…he was still useless.

   One fucking mistake. One stupid fucking mistake and all his hard work was gone.

   His days stretched before him, endless and bleak.

   There had been a moment. Just after they’d returned from the hospital. Stephen had been standing on the balcony, needing space to breath from Tony’s concerned eyes and quiet, careful voice. He’d stared down at the city, at the cars speeding below him and for a split second, there and gone again. Stephen had seen himself toppling over the side and never having to feel the ache in his hands or the ache in his heart again.

   It lasted for about as long as it took for Tony’s voice to break through the haze, “Stephen?” all trembling and unsure.

   There was no way Tony knew what he’d been thinking.

   Since then, the thought hadn’t crossed Stephen’s mind again. Even when the pain hit a peak and the pain meds were still fighting to make him feel nothing, Stephen just curled up on this chair and stared, ignored Tony’s fingers brushing through his hair.

   The thought of going out in public without the reasonable security of four walls should he need to down some pills just to manage the pain, was unbearable. It was also this little fact that the articles were obsessing over.

   The most disconcerting ones theorized he was dead. The most heart-breaking were the ones that suggested he’d been sequestered away by an embarrassed Tony.

   Neither of those themes had been seen again after the first week of their debut and Stephen didn’t need to ask to know those companies no longer existed. It should be reassuring, but it instead he obsessed over them.

   Stephen might be miserable, angry, sad, all of which were well-deserved in his mind, but he didn’t want Tony to be. He wasn’t blind, he’d seen the exhaustion in Tony’s eyes, the lines born of constant worrying, the false start-stop every time he moved to touch Stephen.

   It wasn’t fair to Tony.

   The door creaked open and Stephen glanced behind him to spot that very man slip into the penthouse, obviously trying to be quiet in case Stephen was sleeping. Tony had a meeting that Stephen had insisted he go to, needed to not feel suffocated for a moment.

   Familiar brown eyes landed on where Stephen was still sitting comfortably and a hesitant smile spread across those lips, “hey? How are you?”

   Stephen swallowed thickly, reminded himself not to snap his reply, “I’m ok. Thirsty.”

   Tony’s eyes widened and he was already in the kitchen, pulling down a glass and filling it with water. Stephen figured out quickly that Tony liked feeling useful, even in small ways. These tiny requests kept Tony sane, even if they grated on Stephen sometimes.

   Tony was by his side in record time with a wide-rimmed mug. Stephen never let him hold it while he drank, no matter how bad the shaking was, unable to stand being treated like a child. The wide rim certainly helped keep the spillage to a minimum.

   The cup was set aside, and Tony raised an eyebrow to which Stephen nodded, bearing the soft kiss that was pressed to his lips. It was worth it for the relief in his expression, “do you need-”

   “I’m alright,” Stephen interrupted. Tony held onto his pills because Stephen was terrified of becoming addicted, though it didn’t help that it was offered to him at every turn.

   Regardless, Stephen had a mission. He’d come up with an idea the moment he’d read the headlines of the recent magazines. It was a scary thought, terrifying really but something he knew would have to be done eventually.

   “Tony, I was wondering if we could go to that sub place down the street.”

   Tony nodded immediately, “I’ll get Happy-”

   “No, us. Just us.”

   It was in walking distance so Stephen wouldn’t have to go near a car. It would take a max of five minutes to walk there, three to order, five to receive, and another five to get back to the safety of the penthouse. Stephen could manage it. He hoped.

   Stephen watched as it sunk in, Tony’s eyes going wide with understanding. He was honestly impressed with his lover’s self-control when he simply swallowed thickly and nodded, “I’d like that.”

   Baby steps. This would make Tony happy and Stephen knew he’d have to leave this little sanctuary eventually.

   Somehow it was easier thinking of it like that.


End file.
